Heart Like Yours Chapter 3 ‘Where Were You?Just a Little Late
"Hey Kell I’m home." . I heard Vic’s voice echo through the small apartment. I had been in bed all day, not willing to go through anything that wasn’t mine, so I just sat looking through my phone.
Hundreds of pictures of me and Vic, literally. “how have you been?” He asked leaning against the door frame of our bedroom, shoving his hands in his pocket.
I shrugged, looking at him through my thick black locks. He walked over to the bed, sitting on his legs across from me. “What’s wrong?” He asked, worry written all over his face. I pulled my attention back to the pictures that glowed on my phone, tracing my thumb over them.
"We looked so happy …" I didn’t take my gaze away from the phone. "We still are" Vic said. Te atmosphere felt different, like the air in my lungs had been blown out of me.
I gazed at the picture on my phone, me and Vic, him holding me in his arms, me holding both of his hands around me, our lips touching, I couldn’t bare it. I still felt like I was disappointing him. How could I forget the person he claims that I love? Because if it was love I wouldn’t forget, would I?
Vic folded his legs underneath himself. He took my hands in his. In the silence,I surprisingly let his take my hand, him smiling from ear to ear as I returned it with a slightly forced smile.
He ran his thumb across the front of my palms, calming me down a bit. “I love you” Those words slipped out of his words as if you told him to sing his abc’s. I felt his hands give me a reassuring squeeze.
"Okay um,I’m feeling a bit tired " I tried to change the subject. "Oh … okay" He said but still didn’t let my hands escaped from his grasp. I could see the pain in his eyes when I didn’t say those words that he so desperately wanted to here again, but how can you love someone you don’t even remember?
I took my hands from his, “Maybe I could show you your studio tomorrow?” he asked with pleading eyes.
"Yeah, If you have the time we could." I said. I got up from the bed making my way towards the door, releasing my hands from Vic’s grasp.
"I thought you said you were tired" He asked as he slipped into something more comfortable.
"I am you need the bed more then I do, so …" So I began to walk out the room before a strong hand clasped around my arm. I stopped in my tracks and turned around to face him.
"No! yo can’t sleep on the couch. I won’t let you. You could sleep on the bed tonight", But I still refused.
"Well… .maybe we can both sleep on the bed". Was he serious. "I don’t thin-" I got cut off by Vic. "We can go head to toe?" He asked, wiggling into bed. I sighed and slipped into the bed with him at my toes.
"See, problem solved" He smiled wiggling his toes. I giggled slightly at his playfulness.
"Night Kell" Vic said sleepily.
"Goodnight I said but I knew too well that I wasn’t going to fall asleep tonight.
I woke up to empty, cold sheets. Wasn’t my choice way of waking up, but I was feeling a void with Kellin missing, it wasn’t helping my nerves.
I climbed out of bed, stretching my arms, wincing at the cold tile beneath my feet. “Kell?” I called through the hall as I slipped on a random shirt.
There was no reply and I silently made my way deeper into the house. “Kell, you up?” I stopped in my track when i heard the radio playing in the kitchen.
I giggled quietly as I heard Kellin singing a random song to himself. I leaned against the counter, Kellin still not noticing my presence.
"I just want yo to know who I am, And I don’t want the world to see me-" He sang as he stirred his coffee. "I see you’ve discovered your talent" I said. He jumped, surprised to see me there and grasped his chest.
"Holy shit, Vic you scared me" He panted trying to catch his breath. "What are you doing up so early?" I said sliding in my chair.
He hesitated but answered, ‘I coudn’t sleep … But I made us breakfast”He changed the subject quickly . He doesn’t get that I notice these things, Him trying to slid his own struggle past my nose like I didn’t notice.
He sat a plate in front of me. Pancakes, eggs and fruit. “This looks great babe” I said beginning to dig in. He smiled at the compliment and began eating.
"Is that shirt comfortable?" I asked, placing a fruit in my mouth. Kellin wore a Copeland shirt that fit perfectly on his body. He nodded, taking a swig of his warm drink.
"I’m glad you like my shirts, you always liked my band merch" I smiled, watching his eyes grow wide. "Oh, I’m sorry I- just thought. It was the only thing I felt comfortable in." He said. "It’s fine, What’s mine is yours remember?" I asked. That was a stupid question, of course he didn’t remember …
He tore his gaze away from mine quickly, blinking unevenly. “I’m sorry, that was a stupid question” I shook my head, mentally slapping myself.
"No it’s fine, it’s fine" He said and continued to eat.
We stayed silent until we finished eating, but we didn’t get up from the table.Kellin looked at me, keeping eyes contact maybe alittle to long.
"What?" I asked sipping on my drink.
He looked down shaking his head, “Nothing” He picked at the leftovers on his plate. I shook it off and placed my plate into the sink. “So since I’m off today, maybe I could show you your studio now” I said beginning to wash my dish and his.
"Okay cool" He said simply and got up to go change into something casual.
I unlocked the doors to the small studio building, Kellin following close behind me. “So, this is it. Sorry about the mess, this was like your second home” I laughed at my own joke, earning a soft giggle from Kellin.
I moved the instruments, and picked up some of loose cords that lay sloppily on the floor. “My second home?” he asked, tracing his hands over the bottoms on the dash.
I nodded, “yeah, You used to come here from dawn to dust, playing music, teaching others. It was amazing” I said, remembering the days where Kellin would bring kids in here, teaching them piano, guitar, you name it and he showed them. Kellin was open and loving to who ever had passion for music as strong as he did, it was an incredible sight.
"You used to just come in here and blast Copeland-" I skipped over to the radio and pushed in his Copeland cd. "-I don’t know how you did it, but you always seemed to get more stuff done when you listened to them". I turned up the music to about the volume he usually listened to. He cringed slightly.
"You could go on for hours just making tracks" I screamed over the music."Um, can you turn the music down alittle" He said, his face cringed. I laughed. He used to listen to this louder then this! "I swear you recorded your voice, all by yourself, I could never get you out of h-".
"COULD YOU PLEASE TURN THE FUCKING MUSIC DOWN!" He screamed, closing his eyes, banging on the counter next to him.
I stopped rambling and turned the music off. I didn’t turn to face him and took the cd out of the radio. I chucked it across the room, my face getting red it anger. He flinched at my actions.
"I"M TRYING TO HELP YOU KELLIN!" I ran my hands through my hair. "We don’t speak to each other like this" I said more calmly. I was ferious. We never did this, we were just us, never did we have a screaming match, we would talk it out if we had a problem.
Kellin swallowed thickly, pulling at his sweater. “If there was a problem we would fix it, never yell at each other” My voice getting higher.
"I- I just. I want you to- " I was lost for words, wanting but not receiving. I sighed loudly, my body shaking. I never wanted to raise my voice at Kellin, or even see the look that he had in his eyes when I lost my temper, fear on his lips when he gnawed on then nervously.
I gave up, walking past him, my shoulder brushing past his. That was the most contact I’ve gotten so far … But he still seemed out of reach.
Vic went to work the next day, not saying a word to me, just long glances of sorrow. I didn’t want to put him through this anymore, he doesn’t need this.
I placed some shirts into my bag, along with some belongings that I believed were mine, I guess he wasn’t kidding when he said ‘what’s mine is yours’, we literally sheared everything. Either way, I took what I thought was mine and packed it.
I had already called my sister, explaining that I wanted her to pick me up. She showed up not 15 minutes later, helping me pack, but she seemed different. maybe it was just her new hair color.
"Kellin, what do you want me to do with-" My sister’s voice got cut off by keys jingling in the door.
"Hey Kell-" Vic’s voice called out after he shut the door. I wasn’t expecting him to be home so early. "I stopped at the coffee shop down the street, I picked up a little something-" Vic stopped in his tracked, his face dropping when he saw my suitcase.
"What’s going on?" He asked, putting the bag of whatever he stopped to get me on the counter.
"Oh, um I just wanted to maybe try to get back in touch with my parents " I answered, I didn’t even know why I stopped talking to them anyways.
He took off his bag and he frowned when he saw my sister come from around the corner, clutching the rest of my bags in her hands.
"Victor" She greeted him formally placing a soft hand on my shoulder. "Kailey" He returned her gesture. I could practically feel the tension between them.
"Kellin are you sure you don’t want at least think about us?" He said, his pleading eyes burning holes into mine.
I turned away from him, zipping up my bag. “I can’t stress myself enough about what I do to you, Your so blinded by love and the desire to have the old me back, but I just can’t be him right now-“
I lifted up my suitcase, “-I have to find myself, and I think I should start with family first” I said, dragging my suitcase.
"We’ll tell you if we’ve made any progress with him Victor" She said, helping me with my stuff.
"I don’t get it" He said, his glassy eyes looked away from mine.
"I’m sorry … I just can’t be the Kellin you fell in love with right now" I said, No matter how many times I said it, it was hard to tell someone to fall out of love with you, but I wasn’t asking that, hopefully this was temporary.
But something changed in his eyes when I said that, good or bad I couldn’t tell. Vic stood there, wearing an emotionless face, was he always this good hiding his emotions? It almost made me want to drop my bags and just hold him and tell him it’s okay to feel.
"It’s okay, I wasted your time" he said lowly, "Just lock the door when you leave, you have the keys Kellin"
"I love you, okay?"he didn’t wait for an answer, he probably knew that answer.He stumbled into his room without another word, except for the echoing of the tears dropping bellow his feet.
My lips curled down as I could almost feel the betrayal dripping off his words. Kailey rubbed my back supportive, “Come on, mom and the other’s will be happy to see you” She smiled, hauling my bags.
I pulled the keys out of my pockets doing the only thing I could do for Vic right now.
I locked the door …
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